(You can listen along to me above if that is also fun for you!)
I have a confession to make - this time of the year when most are looking back to reflect on the last twelve months and posting there Top 10 Hot Hits I often can’t help but note what I haven’t accomplished. Let me be clear - I don’t love this. I will then make comments about my Irish Catholic ancestry and how this is all a part of generational trauma because jokes are fun! Hahahaha hilarious! But seriously, I’m not fantastic about listing my accomplishments even if it may seem to the outside world that it’s all hunky dory. When a company asks me to write a bio for work it takes me forever.
Allana is blah blah blah blah and also blah blah blah…
But, then I will write it and think “damn that IS pretty good”. Sadly, I often have to google myself to remember what I’ve actually done. I also despise self deprecation which is the most un-Canadian thing about me. So although you won’t hear me beat myself up in front of you I might be saying unkind things behind closed doors to myself….sorry what was that? Oh that’s called being a woman? Perhaps human? Hey, should we stop that?!
BUT, ironically, there is one thing that I am authentically good at without trying. An actionable item that is so natural to me that it’s worth sharing because it could maybe change the world.
(Okay Allana. Too much. GROSS! Don’t forget you’re Irish Catholic. Time to self-flagellate! Seriously though, there’s even a part of the Catholic mass where you’re supposed to beat your chest three times and chant “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”. They made this change in 2011 when I guess someone thought Vatican II was too chill. Why make women Priests when we can spend an enormous amount of time rolling back the mass to the ole latin days of physically beating yourself and then handing over all your money?? THERAPY? WHO NEEDS THERAPY??)
Back to my point….
I like to compliment other women. And I’m not doing it because I have to, or think it will get me anywhere. I’m honest to goodness truly thinking you’re pretty great. True story. I’M PROUD OF YOU. This is not to say I love every single woman. I would never expect the same treatment. We are animals and women are particularly good at sensing a vibe from someone. We don’t have to all get along. Let’s stop pretending we do, women are not a monolith. But, what if instead of thinking someone is fantastic you actually told her? And what if when something might be wrong you genuinely ask her if she’s okay? I get how simple this sounds. I believe that many of you reading this are thinking, “I do that already”. GOOD. And this is also about the time that you might be thinking, “Is Allana just writing this to fish for a compliment?” I am not. Wait. Okay you know what? Fuck it. If you want to, go ahead. And also send her that message, whoever she is and tell her something very specific that you like about her instead of just thinking it. TELL HER. It’s the last day of the year, it’s not too late.
Since me too burst on the scene only a short 8 years ago (honestly, wow) and now is in its anti-me too backlash, women have been beaten to a pulp. And here’s the kicker - it’s often by other women. How do I know this? The past couple months my data analysis has been reading posts about Kamala Harris, Blake Lively and any woman who has posted anything about existing. The comments have sometimes been so vicious that I have come to hope they are trolls all masquerading as women. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s true.
TELL HER. Tell her you like her work, her humor and the posts that have made you think. Tell her you see her kids thriving or that they seem like nice people. Tell her you appreciate her honesty on-line when it’s not even something you feel comfortable doing. TELL HER. Don’t hold back. Complimenting another woman in a world where our rights are being systematically stripped has become an act of resistance. BUILD HER UP and then resist not wanting to see her fall. Can you imagine a world where we do this? It’s actually really rewarding and natural. And I only know how to do this because I also have incredible friends. Do I ever. Friends who end every conversation with “I love you”. Friends who just out of no where text me something so beautiful. And friends on-line who I’ve never met but would hug for a full 3 minutes which makes them a friend.
And now here’s something I was not planning on doing, but is why I love writing and being open to the unexpected. I’m going to tell myself in a top 10 hot hits.
Damn Allana, I love your heart. There’s something magical in there. I really believe that.
I love how you respond to things in a way like it’s never been done before and you think it’s a miracle. You are always the most surprised person in a room.
I love how you remember who you were when you were a kid and how honestly, you aren’t that much different.
I love how you love your children in a way that your chest hurts and how they’ll 100% be parents themselves but you’ll still see them as baby bunnies in a bunny hole.
I love that when you see a dog with three legs you think the owner is super lucky.
I love that you know how to shake hands and hug.
I love that when you say you’re going to do something it’s actually shocking if you don’t.
I love that your motto was “be the one who shows up” and you suddenly realized that also meant you had to show up for yourself even if it took decades to learn.
I love how you’re going to publish this and that the only reason you’re going to publish this is because you wrote that you’re publish it and now you know you have to follow through.
I love that when you think something lovely about someone you will most likely tell them. I really love that about you.
Here’s to 2025. The year of telling her. Right? Why not? And heck, tell yourself too.
Thank you for reading this. I’m also okay if you make fun of me because I love jokes almost as much as I love three legged dogs.
XoAllana
Funny this was the first thing I read this morning….best way to start the year. Thank you Allana✨✨✨✨