Allana's Top Ten Oscar Moments
I love award shows. I do. I'm not sorry.
If you’ve ever wondered why the Academy Awards has the nickname “Oscar” I’m going with the story that Bette Davis thought her husband (middle name “Oscar”) had a similar looking butt to the statuette and told us so. I have read several comments that Oscar is clearly a male figure and shouldn’t that bother us? Awards shows have been historically sexist so shouldn’t that be triggering?
My answer is NO and that’s because the Emmy Award is clearly a woman who is tricked out with thunderbolt wings holding a gigantic ball and on her tippy toes. She’s not holding back and I love that I have one:
But maybe we should be bothered by the fact that it’s going to take a while for the voting members of the Academy to look anything like the actual audience of a movie. In 2014 the LA times conducted a survey that concluded Oscar voters on average were 63 years old, 76% male and 94% of them were white. Although this has evolved the voting body is still 2/3rds male - if you were wondering why Barbie wasn’t a clean sweep or why Origin received no nominations (yes representation matters in voting as well. Please don’t try and argue that it doesn’t). If we want to see our favorite movies getting the accolades they deserve the members voting need to represent those who are actually watching the films. And no I’m not talking about the 6 year old that sat next to you in the theatre. You can only vote if you are nominated so here is reason number SEVEN THOUSAND why it’s essential to fund and produce movies that look more like American Fiction, Past Lives and Anatomy of a Fall. All of which are enormously deserving of their nominations.
If you’re still with me - BACK TO THE FUN STUFF:
My top ten moments of the Bette Davis husband’s bum awards:
Robert De Niro’s resting bitch face - I could not get enough of how much Robert regretted not bringing snacks to the awards show. Every time the camera cut to him he could not have been so over everything. It is with 100% certainty that I can say Robert De Niro has never watched an awards show on his television.
Da’Vine’s Joy Randolph’s publicist moment- I really wanted this to turn into a running gag all night long where the next time we saw Da’Vine she was holding up a piece of paper with her publicist’s name. So, I was so delighted to learn it was MARLA FARRELL who I know very well because she was also our publicist at Full Frontal with Samantha Bee and her team at Shelter PR is GOLDEN. (I love you Marla!)
“Isn’t it past your prison time?” - Although I burst out laughing I couldn’t help but picture the writer backstage pitching this joke and knowing the whole reason Kimmel read this entire absurd tweet from the current Republican frontrunner for President of the United States of America is to deliver this final joke. Bravo. It was worth it. Also America - COME ON. How are we going through this again with this very scary clown?
Everything about Ryan Gosling - Like, everything. I can’t pick one thing except to say that it was delightful to see someone look up from under a cowboy hat and know they were about to kill. Absolutely destroy.
Stirling K. Brown trying not to cry - Let’s be clear. Stirling K. Brown is one of the greatest actors our generation. He can do anything and look good while doing it. His performance in American Fiction is so layered I was continuously surprised. Also did anyone else go home after watching that movie and google “what does Stirling K. Brown eat?”.
Poor Things Costume Designer Holly Waddington’s eyeball earrings - didn’t they make you just wonder about your life choices and why you aren’t putting yourself out there with giant eyeballs on your ears? Just me??
John Cena Naked for Best Costume- I really wanted this moment to be longer and have him try and open the envelope before giving up. I think he earned 10 more seconds of that joke. He was naked and left me wanting more.
Imagining Ireland cheering for Cillian Murphy - Ireland loves Ireland and Irish people love all things Irish. To be honest there’s nothing to not love about Ireland. I have 65 first cousins. Yes. SIXTY FIVE first cousins from Ireland. Totally normal number. So I can, with authority, say there was a few cheers in a few pubs when Ireland was mentioned.
The Drum Circle - more drum circles all the time please! That was a full chills moment and hopefully one that made everyone think more about their soul, the earth, how we are all connected and how all land is stolen land.
Sam Rockwell’s using a Tropic Thunder line to introduce Robert Downey Jr. - This really made me laugh and I can’t help but love the Oscar’s show writer who pitched using the line” "There are actors, and then there are actors who don't drop characters until the DVD commentary." (yes, I think about the writer’s A LOT). I SEE YOU WRITER. I also loved how much Sam loved Robert - it was evident.
Wow, I can’t believe I’m already at ten. So here’s some honorable mentions:
The director of the Oscars needs an Emmy. Hamish Hamilton you killed it. I mean I feel like there are 9 of us outside of your inner circle who are thinking about what you pulled off - but I get it. And it was flawless.
The dog from Anatomy of a Fall. Messi you were a very good boy and also I was worried about you while watching the film. I won’t lie.
The steadicam operator reaching out their hand and being guided up the stairs by Ryan Gosling in the Just Ken song gave me goosebumps. A camera joke is leveling up!
All of Us Strangers you weren’t nominated at all but you were my favorite film of the year. If you haven’t seen this masterpiece on grief and identity by Andrew Haigh please watch it and tell me what you think. It deserved a better campaign (which matters for awards).
Jimmy Kimmel was great. This is just fact. A good host matters. I’ve been to enough cringey awards shows to know!
And lastly I’d like to mention us - we went to see movies because we love to feel things and cry so hard we can’t see the next day (I’m looking at you Andrew Haigh). I still think getting anything made is a miracle so I applaud anyone who does. Cheers to magic!
xoAllana
You had me at Robert Deniros resting bitch face (and I’m sure I lost you at ‘you had me’). Love all this!